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Michael94 (2015-06-12 20:54:58)Video games.
Saturday, March 7, 2020, 1:53am EST. Almost three years later, I'm back.
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I have askef myself what I have to live for multiple times. I'm just one person out of billions, one little speck on the surface of the earth, one tiny germ on a rock in the solar system, and I'm not even big enouh to say I will ever be comparable to the entire, ever expanding universe. My life, whether it's here or gone, will have no impact on the billions around me, who will shake thier head at the papers when they find the article about me, a small corner on the back of the front page with an interview of my parents. But then they'll move on.
Then, I stopped thinking about the rest of the world and focused on the people around me. My mother had tried for me multiple times with my father, having one miscarriage before I finally arrived. She loves me, despite her mood swings and her fussing and her mean words, and even when I failed AP US History, she told me she loved me and forgave me where I thought she never would.
My friends would be devastated, they are always there for me when I look sad, or down, because I cant be depressed without it written on my face. So if I was to take my life, they would feel as if they failed me, as if it were thier fault I died, and thier fault I was sad. It would tear them up, and I couldn't do that to the people I love.
I thought anout my death, about how many people would come to my funeral, amd then I started tearing up at the thought of my parents being forced to go through every detail for the funeral, even picking out the flowers to be used, to buy a nice casket, and rent a nice room, all for the death of thier ddaughter who would never smile or hug them or cry on thier shoulder again. These flowers were going into the casket with our daughter, the burn on her neck a permanent reminder of what she had done.
That's why I keep living. That's why I'd never take my own life. I couldn't do that to the people aroind me. It's wrong and selfish, and while the rest of the world wont care, the people who matter will.