DeathAngel (2014-01-04 22:21:10)

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I notice I'm surrounded by darkness. I can see only 5 feet in front of me I guessed. I try to talk but can't find my voice. I move strands of long black hair from my pale face and Blue eyes. I look around as I hear a loud thud. I feel something on my feet. I look down and see water climbing up from the floor.

I gasp and sit up a little to fast. My eyes are blinded by a light. When my eyes ajust I notice I'm on a beach. "Is this California?" I look around for people. "This isn't California. Where ever California is." I turn around and see a guy who stands taller than me with black hair, dark eyes, tanned skin and a great build. He's wearing a white pirate-like shirt, pants that seem to be like trousers and boots. Me on the other hand, I'm wearing torn jeans, torn black shirt and no shoes. "Where am I?" The man smiles "Mako. I'm Lamos. You?" I stand up "I'm Lisa from Nevada." He gives me a confused look again. "You don't know where Nevada is either?" He shakes his head "I've heard of it but never seen it. You must be another Stray from.....Arth?" I laugh "Earth and who's tricking me?This has to be a prank." He sighs "No prank. You came To Arora from Earth." "How?"
He shrugs "That's a good question."
~To continue: Just ask me to continue and leave your opinion. If you don't understand, I get why. I made all this stuff up~

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kblackeagle (2014-01-05 04:21:19)

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I'm not too fond of the POV, as writing first-person stories is meant for the past tense.

I reccomend continuing, but in third-person, as it would become more clear.

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