AntiChrist (2014-12-26 19:25:19)

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Some of you may remember neckbeard Melvin and his adventures on club penguin... But do you ever wonder how he is doing now? Well, it just so happens that Melvin was born to become meta faggot. It's only a matter of time before he unleashes his true power...


Sunday, 2015 8:35 pm, now 19 year old Melvin, still living with his mother logged onto club penguin to a horrific sight. There, standing in his igloo was a spooky cloaked penguing.

"Are you haxor melvin?"

Said the mysterious cloaked penguin.

"I am part of the anonymous 1337 haxor group of club penguin members who hide in the shadows, stopping people from bullying everyone. We don't have any hackers in our group because me and letroLfaic119 are the only members and we are only 9 years old, but we heard that you-"


Suddenly Melvin was disconnected.


"NOOOOOO"

screamed Melvin. He stomped around the room, throwing his rainbow dash plushies at the wall. He swung his katana around for ten minutes until he finally calmed down. He tried reconnecting to the internet but it wouldn't work.

"MOOOOOOOM"

Melvins mom yelled at him to come to her instead of screaming through the house.

"Stupid bully."

Grunted Melvin as he exited his room. Since he forgot to adjust his eyes to daylight, he squirmed in pain, losing balance and falling down the stairs. The cheetos that he saved inside his belly button were now crushed.

"God dammit! Look what you've done, mom!"

Melvins mom became furious


"What the hell do you want and why haven't you taken a shower yet like I told you to three times already! "

"Mom, the internet needs me there to purge their world of evil. I don't just abandon the innocent when they are in need of my help. I work hard to help those who can't defend themselves constantly, and if you think your job is so tou-"

"YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING IMPORTANT ON THERE OTHER THAN MAKING THE ELECTRICITY BILL MORE EXPENSIVE. I AM THE ONE WHO HAS TO PAY FOR IT BECAUSE I HAVE A ING JOB. I HAD TO TURN OFF THE INTERNET NOW JUST SO WE CAN AFFORD-"

"YOU DID WHAAAAT??!"

Screamed melvin, attempting to sound intimidating but his voice cracked awkwarldy, pissing him off even more.

Suddenly his diabetes made him faint because of the thousands of doritos and mountain dew he consumed earlier. He awoke in a cage inside of the back of a truck. In the corner stood one man in a black cloak. His face was hidden.

"Have I been chosen to join your elite hacking force?"

Said Melvin

"No, your mother sold you to us on ebay."

"Who's "us" and what do you need my skills for?"

"We don't need your so called "skills", you are just one of the many human sacrifieces we will be using. We are the illuminati. We take those who can dissappear without anyone ever noticing. Because of how you only have friends on club penguin and roblox, and how your only family hates you, you are an ideal candidate for sacrifieces. "

Melvin smirked.

"That's where you're wrong."

"Hmm?"

"When chaos rises in club penguin again, and people realize I am not there to stop it-"


"Shut the up you god damn loser. You need to wake up and get the over yourself. Nobody on club penguin will notice you are gone because you've never 'helped' anyone. You just type 'brave' and 'intimidating' messages into a screan to 'burn' the 'le trolls' and you think everyone is cheering you on. You're an imbecile. Look"

The claoked man opened a laptop and went to club penguin. Everything seemed normal on it and nobody seemed to be in distress.

"Do you see now?"

"Hmm... It looks like no evil has noticed that I am gone yet. Good, niw I can get back in time and-"

"NO! There is no 'evil' and nobody will ever need your help!"

Melvin pulled his katana out from his pants. It was in between his buttcheeks.

"Say that again."

Melvin tried to say in a deep, serious voice, but he stuttered three times and his voice was shaky. The cloacked guy laughed and walked back to his corner.

When the truck stopped, the back door opened and Melvin was dragged into a massive circle with strange symbols in it drawn in the dirt. He was placed next to thousands of other people tied up in the middle of the circle. Thousands of cloacked men and women surrounded them holding guns, keeping them from getting away.

There was a female there. Melvin walked over to her, but a strange forced seemed to repel her away. He tried to approach other females, but the same thing happened each time.

"WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!!"

Melvin cried out.


"Strange... It's like this guy naturally repels any female within ten meters of him."

Said a random guy in the crowd of sacrifices. One guy next to him nodded in agreement.

"Maybe we can used this... EVERYONE, I HAVE A PLAN."


A minute later, a bunch of strong guys lifted 3000 pound Melvin up and quickly ran toward the female illuminati members. They were repeled so hard that the guns they were holding were knocked out of their hands. The others picked up the guns and began a massive bloody battle against the illuminati.


Melvin pulled out his katana and started running toward an illuminati member like a jackass. Due to his lack of physical activity, he had a heart attack and passed out. Since everyone thought he was dead, nobody tried to kill him.

Melvin awoke to a ton of bloody carnage of both cloacked people and innocent citizens. The illuminati had actually won the battle and were hiding among the piles of dead bodies, waiting to kill melvin, but thanfully they were forced to kill their human sacrifieces.

Melvin, thinking that he had won the battle and was the last survivor, dramatically looked up at the night sky with one hand on his katana and one foot up on a stone. Every surviving member of the illuminati cringed so hard that they died.

Suddenly the embodyment of faggotry itself came down from beyond the heavens and gave Melvin the cosmic golden fedora, which was a sign that he was the biggest faggot of all. Of course, Melvin thought it was a sign that he was a "hero" and wore it proudly everywhere he went. He also wore a cloak and his katana sheeth around it like a retard.

Everyone vacated his path wherever he went. Melvin, thinking it was because everyone had "heard of him", but in reality, he was considered the biggest douche on the planet. Melvin also started calling himself "the dark wolf".


The end.... For now.

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2014-12-26 20:11:13

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PhoenixDawn (2014-12-27 04:24:54)

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N-no Invisible Culprit? Damn it was getting good. I'll just think of it a the biggest cliff-hanger for right now.

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AgurettiLeaf (2014-12-27 14:17:36)

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LOL!

"Have I been chosen?"
"No, your mom sold you to us on eBay."

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